They are coming from the darkness. They are going to get me. I am afraid .. Help me ...
The girl who sit by me, asked, did you fall in love with your neurology professor ? She got suprised face and little humiliating voice tone and little pity on me. I said, No ! Noooo .. The important thing for me is the ideas, facts, philosophy, emotions. She is a great scientist, that´s all. She seemed, she didn´t believed me at all. I didn´t care in that moment. I wasn´t myself. Everything in that class, seemed to me accelerated. Everything was so fast. Immunology teacher was talking about bullshit. The blonde girl asked about bulls. It doesn´t make any sense. I couln´t stand. I closed my eyes and wait for its passing. Even my eyes was closed I felt dizzy. Then after a moment something divine happened and everything slowed down as normal. But I wasn´t feeling fine. I felt like throwing up. I looked at my watch, there was just five minutes left. I hold on. Teacher left us free after two minutes. I got up immediately. I saw the black girl staring at me. Muscled guy told me something that I didn´t understand, but he is a good guy and good friend. I walked down the stairs. I was just going to breath fresh air. Little chubby guy approached me. He didn´t have smugged face like always. He smiled at me but I knew it was a pity smile. He said with a complaining tune, why ? why did you tell everybody dude ? it was just between you and me. I didn´t understood anything. Today nothing makes any sense. Then the girl had sat by me in the class, just approached me. She seems little hesistant. She told me, I understand you but you don´t seem OK. I replied, I am OK , don´t worry. She left but she gave me one last glance while she was leaving. Then muscled moustache guy arrived. He had a fucke up smile in his face. He said, I didn´t know, this fucking Russian told him. But the guy is fucking faggot anyway. A guy with beard and glasses intervened, Bisexual doesn´t mean fag. The guy had a clever face. Moustache replied, the guy is a gay, a fucking gay. He seemed really sure about this. They both loughed about that. The moustache grabbed my shoulder and told me with smiling face, I am sorry dude. Come on let go to have nargile, right, right ? They loughed again. I smiled little bit.
We went to the bus stop. After 20 minutes express bus arrived. We got into the bus. They were loughing and telling joked to eachother. The clever beard touched my knee and said, come on guy ! come to yourself. Everthing is cool. I said, I am OK and started to talk about something I don´t remember. I couln´t hear their voice. It was coming from so deep. We arrived Beyazit after one and quarter hour. In all the way I was thinking about my theories. I finished the draft yesterday night. " Tecrube ve Tekamul / Experience and Evolution. It was our plan, me and the clever beard. But he let it go somehow. I continued. I couln´t sleep for four days, but every theory is done right now.
We were hungry so we sit in the buffet before entering nargile cafe. They were loughing and telling jokes like always. Then I realized something terrible. I intervened their cheerful conservation and asked them, Was I silent today ? The clever beard answered, Yes, little bit, why ? I said, Something is happening to me today. Something wierd. Moustache intervened, Don´t talk bullshit, let´s smoke nargile you will be better. But in that moment I was sure. Yes, now everything is around me, is an illusion. I might not be here. I must be careful.
Hiç yorum yok:
Yorum Gönder