Her name is Kristina. I knew from the beginning, she is a Russian spy who was sent by SVR for controlling me. For the whole week I was together with her. What a week ! After discussing with my anarchist Russian fellows, I know that I have to follow a guy. He is a key of revolution. He is a former communist guy who joined Turkish conservative party. He was doing his "Hizmet" in all over Africa. Now he is in Kazakhstan. I know that I would find him in one of the trans-siberian trains which is going to Moscow.
So I went to the central station in Almaty. The guy was there waiting for Moscow train. We get into the train after 30 minutes waiting. They checked my ticket and passport, there was no problem. I started to search the train. I had lost the guy after we get in. I feel this train is full of Russian spies. The drunk guy lying over there, can be a special agent. You never know. They are watching us. I went directly to the train's cafeteria. The guy was there, having a coffee and smoking cigarette. I watched the ladscape for a while. It was like full of slough all around. We were approaching to Ural mountains, probably it would be so much dark tunnels there. A perfect place to assult. Russians are going to kill him. He wasn't suppossed to meet with anarchists. Now the train entered in a dark tunnel.
In a small moment, I tought that I saw the drunk guy around. They are going to attack to the guy soon. He is having his coffee right now. Two men just entered into the cafeteria. I can see that they are trained by military. It is going to be a big trouble. I grabbed my gun. They sat his table and speak something in Russian with him. He replied in Russian. Somehow I understood what they are saying. They asked him what he is going to do in Moscow. He said, I will catch my flight to Ankara. They didn't believed him but after a while they just left the cafeteria and never came back.
Train arrived to Moscow, we get out. He stepped in a subway which is going to airport. I followed him. He got out from the subway after two stops. He started to walk in dark streets then entered a bar. He sat in a table, I was in the bar. Three guy stepped in the bar and sat in his table. They talked for a while and gave him some documents. I could see there was a passport there. Then three guys exited from the bar. After 30 minutes the guy stand up, pay for votka and get out. I followed him again. He got in another subway which is going to airport. After 20 minutes he was checking in at the door of Istanbul plane. Somehow it was the plane that I was going to fly.
We arrived to Istanbul in the morning. He went to the headquarter of conservatives. Then they got out with briefcases and head to the airport. Their destination was Pennysilvania. I bought a ticket in airport. It costed me a lot of money. We arrived there in the evening. They got a car down to the Gulen's modest house. I followed them with a cap. They stayed there until the midnight. I sensed that the guy had a gun with him. The other peole get out of the house without him. He stayed there two more hours. After he got out, he was wearing a long dark coat and a black heat like me. Our eyes stared together. He approached me and He told me, there is no we anymore, we are the part of same system, we are the one, we are Him !
Then I found myself inside of him. We went back to Istanbul alone. I can hear his thinking in my mind. I get in a subway and I had a sit. There was nobody in subway. I think of what the guy said to me in two hours. We discussed about anarchia, he told me, "eventually in anarchic system there will be an authorty, even anarchic system will produce this authority itself and it will not be the natural one that we intent. There will be voilence my brother. In that point the only place that anarchism will exist, is a society, formed by saints and even profits with the purest morality". I think about the paradise, the paradise in the other world. I took out the syringe that Russian brothers gave to me. I started to hear footsteps coming from the other compartment. I took out my letter gloves and stabbed to syringe into my veins. Then I opened the window and throw the syringe in the railway. I started to lose my vision. Three men arrived, they spoke in Russian to eachother. I saw the ugly face of the garbage man. What an ugly face ! He is one of them. Then I lost my vision completely. Now I am in the darkness, a tear just slipped into my checks.
Nothingness in a darkness. I feel the freedom..
Umea, 2012 November
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