Giata'ya Methiye

Kimi yedi yedide seni sakladı

Kimi beyazlara boyayıp akladı

Kimi öldü sırf senin yoluna

Döndüm baktım yine sıcak ve asaletliydin

Ama ben yinede sifonu çektim..

                     21.yy'in en buyuk feylezoflarindan 

                         Alparan Cagatlar Serdaroglu 

Suratina siçmak isterim.

Suratina siçmak isterim.

Hani bazan sıçarsin da tuvalet nerdeyse tikanir gibi olur ya,

Hani burnunu kapatir nefes alamazsin ya,

Hani dua edersin ya kimsenin senden hemen sonra tuvalete girmemesi icin

Hani sonrasinda cok rahatlamis hissedersin ya

Işte öyle suratina sıçmak isterim.

                                                         
                                           Unlu Halk Ozani Diyar Gumuscu

Ahmet'in bizi evden attigi gece

O gun yine 20- 30 erkek Ahmet'in evine toplasmistik. Buyuk bir olasilikla El Clasico'yu ya da bir sampiyonlar ligi maci izleyecetik. Maclar izleniyor, hayvani kahkahalar surdibindeki mahalleyi inletiyordu. Herkesin aksine Ahmet huzursuzdu. Atilan hicbir gole sevinmedi yorum yapmadi. Erdem'le Yasin yatakta bogusmaya basladiklarinda Ahmet'in huzursuzlugu artti. Macin devre arasinda odasina gitti. 4-5 kisi Ahmet'i odasinda da rahat birakmadilar. Selcuk cay ustune cay yapiyordu. Fatih unlu gulucuklerini etrafa sacarken Burak sisst bak bi diyerek yanindaki adamin omuzunu durtup laf anlatmaya calisiyordu. Ahmet sessizdi, mutsuzdu.

Ikinci yari basladi. Cipsler cekirdekler ortaliga sacildi. Herkesin keyfi yerindeydi. Kahkahalar yine ortaligi inletti. Yatakta bogusan Erdem'le Yasin'e simdi Burak da katilmis Fransizlarin Manage a trois dedikleri sanat icra ediyolardi. Ahmet huzursuzdu. O an herkesden igreniyor gibiydi. Yasin ortalikta ic donu ile dolasiyordu. Mac herkese keyif veriyordu. Ahmet haric, Ahmet huzursuzdu. Mac bitti, muzik kanallari acildi. Ekranda Katty Perry'i goren 20 erkege bir keyif geldi. yataktaki Manage a trois'e simdi Hasan'da katilmisti. Zaten bi kenarda siritmaktan baska bir sey yapmiyordu. Foursome'a hizmet etmek belki de en akillicasiydi. Zaza ciftlikteki atlarin ciftlesmesini anlatti. Herkes hayvani kahkahalar atarken saat 12'yi gecti.

Ahmet ayaga kalkti ve hadi evli evine koylu koyune dedi. Insanlar aldirmadilar. Firat rahatsiz oldu. Yataktaki foursome 'a Selcuk da katildi. Ahmet huzursuzdu. Hadi lan gidin artik dedi. Baskan'la Furkan zaten gitmisti. Saat yarim oldu. Ahmet kararliydi. Herkesin montlarini toplamaya basladi. Kimse Ahmet'ten boyle bir tavir beklemiyordu. Yasin isi her zamanki gibi yavsakliga vurdu. Oglum baska bi gun cek 31'ini dedi. Ahmet aldirmadi, Ahmet huzursuzdu. Ahmet insanlari kovmaya basladi. Millet durumun ciddeyitinin farkina vardi. Tufan bir kenarda aglarken, Firat tipki bir fahise gibi Ahmet'e yalvariyordu. Ahmet Dincer'in tuvaletten cikmasini bekledi ve herkesi kovdu. Herkesi !!!!

Evden atilan hayvan erkek toplulugu saskindi. Fazla uzatmadan dagildilar. Dincer'le Erdem surdibinden assagi dogru yurumeye basladilar. Erdem Dincer'e sigara verdi. Sigara ictiler. Vatan'da karsiya gecerken hayati tehlike atlattilar. Erdem minibus'e atladi, evine gitti ve peynirini yedi. Dincer'in minibusu gelmedi. 6 km uzaktaki evine dogru yurumeye koyuldu. Yagmur yagmaya basladi.

Ahmet huzurluydu....

A detective story: FINAL

Her name is Kristina. I knew from the beginning, she is a Russian spy who was sent by SVR for controlling me. For the whole week I was together with her. What a week ! After discussing with my anarchist Russian fellows, I know that I have to follow a guy. He is a key of revolution. He is a former communist guy who joined Turkish conservative party. He was doing his "Hizmet" in all over Africa. Now he is in Kazakhstan. I know that I would find him in one of the trans-siberian trains which is going to Moscow.

So I went to the central station in Almaty. The guy was there waiting for Moscow train. We get into the train after 30 minutes waiting. They checked my ticket and passport, there was no problem. I started to search the train. I had lost the guy after we get in. I feel this train is full of Russian spies. The drunk guy lying over there, can be a special agent. You never know. They are watching us. I went directly to the train's cafeteria. The guy was there, having a coffee and smoking cigarette. I watched the ladscape for a while. It was like full of slough all around. We were approaching to Ural mountains, probably it would be so much dark tunnels there. A perfect place to assult. Russians are going to kill him. He wasn't suppossed to meet with anarchists. Now the train entered in a dark tunnel.

In a small moment, I tought that I saw the drunk guy around. They are going to attack to the guy soon. He is having his coffee right now. Two men just entered into the cafeteria. I can see that they are trained by military. It is going to be a big trouble. I grabbed my gun. They sat his table and speak something in Russian with him. He replied in Russian. Somehow I understood what they are saying. They asked him what he is going to do in Moscow. He said, I will catch my flight to Ankara. They didn't believed him but after a while they just left the cafeteria and never came back.

Train arrived to Moscow, we get out. He stepped in a subway which is going to airport. I followed him. He got out from the subway after two stops. He started to walk in dark streets then entered a bar. He sat in a table, I was in the bar. Three guy stepped in the bar and sat in his table. They talked for a while and gave him  some documents. I could see there was a passport there. Then three guys exited from the bar. After 30 minutes the guy stand up, pay for votka and get out. I followed him again. He got in another subway which is going to airport. After 20 minutes he was checking in at the door of Istanbul plane. Somehow it was the plane that I was going to fly.

We arrived to Istanbul in the morning. He went to the headquarter of conservatives. Then they got out with briefcases and head to the airport. Their destination was Pennysilvania. I bought a ticket in airport. It costed me a lot of money. We arrived there in the evening. They got a car down to the Gulen's modest house. I followed them with a cap. They stayed there until the midnight. I sensed that the guy had a gun with him. The other peole get out of the house without him. He stayed there two more hours. After he got out, he was wearing a long dark coat and a black heat like me. Our eyes stared together. He approached me and He told me, there is no we anymore, we are the part of same system, we are the one, we are Him !

Then I found myself inside of him. We went back to Istanbul alone. I can hear his thinking in my mind. I get in a subway and I had a sit. There was nobody in subway. I think of what the guy said to me in two hours. We discussed about anarchia, he told me, "eventually in anarchic system there will be an authorty, even anarchic system will produce this authority itself and it will not be the natural one that we intent. There will be voilence my brother. In that point the only place that anarchism will exist, is a society, formed by saints and even profits with the purest morality". I think about the paradise, the paradise in the other world. I took out the syringe that Russian brothers gave to me. I started to hear footsteps coming from the other compartment. I took out my letter gloves and stabbed to syringe into my veins. Then I opened the window and throw the syringe in the railway. I started to lose my vision. Three men arrived, they spoke in Russian to eachother. I saw the ugly face of the garbage man. What an ugly face ! He is one of them. Then I lost my vision completely. Now I am in the darkness, a tear just slipped into my checks.
Nothingness in a darkness. I feel the freedom..

                                                                 Umea, 2012 November

Praises for Shit

I am sitting in a toilet, looking at the stones. I gave up to try forcing myself to shit long time ago. Now, I am just sitting here, listening the other people's shitting. Yes, I am in a public toilet. I am trying to find a salvation here. I don't read nothing in this cabin. I used to read something in my place; comic books, novels, short stories. Before constipation, I wasn't reading that kind of staff in the toilet. For me these staff were unnecassary. Because I could shit in seconds and even three times in a day. It was happy times that I used to hate shit. In fact, everybody hates shit.

People think it as terrible, disgusting, nauseous.... People describe the shit with these words. They don't say anything like; relief, fertilizer, the source of the terrestrial life. Shit is brown but according to people it is insult for brown. So It has its own colour, the colour of shit. People don't like step on shit. They curse at that moment. When they don't unterstand anything, they say, I don't understand a shit. They think that the shit doesn't have any meaning. When a person is ugly, they call him as shit face.

 I get out the cabin to wash my clean hands. I saw a guy, just by me. So ... so relieved, so relaxed. The guy with moustache, has a dirty beard. He turned to me, told me, it seems that a dog died in my belly. I hope no one will use that cabin in fifteen minutes.

I go outside for smoking, I didn't pay anything to the toilet guy. He knows me for a long time, he pities on me little bit. I am damned according to him. We smoke together at the door. He was the one tells me not to pay anymore. Before I used to pay everytime. But the guy somehow understood that I couldn't have shit. He tought that it is unfair to charge me for toilet. The toilet guy asked me, how do you feel ? I replied with smiling, I feel like a horse died in my belly ! Toilet guy loughed loudly. He said that I don't understand how they couldn't helped you in hospital. I explained, they told me my situation is not classic constipation case. It seems that something stucked in my colons. They don't know what it is. They even searched for cancer. There was nothing. In these hospital time, I remembered my schizoprenic uncle. He should have an operation from his ass, somekind of hemoroid nad the doctors gave him very powerful laxative to empty his intentines. I was a teenager. I remember the vision that my uncle grabbed his ass and run to the toilet in every ten minutes. He wasn't happy at all in that situation.

Now I am walking through Istiklal Street in Beyoglu ın Istanbul that city I was born and raised. I look the walking people's faces. They don't know anything, they are so ignorant. After a short walk I saw that a dog shitted around a phone booth. People looked at it and disgusted. I looked at shit. The dog was trying to cover it with some soil at the bottom of the three. There were already shit flies on the shit. After the dog left, a cat come and sniff the uncovered shit.

The abdominal pain of mine is unbearable right now. I have even difficulty to walk. I thought while walking, The ancient Egyptians were the only one who gave a great value to shit at least to shit bug. It was the symbol of recycling life for them. They were wise people not like us. I reached to public toilet. Actually it is a mosque by the road to go Galata. I couldn't walk further, the toilet guy took me one of the cabins. I sat on the toilet cap and something broke in me. I can not breath anymore then after a moment I started to see Maati gates in the book of deads of Egyptions. I pass through the door. I left the earth behind. It was the road to awe. After that shiny stars, now there is darkness. The infinite darkness all around of me.

I am relieved ...

                                                        Umea, 2012 Novembre

A Detective Story: Kristina

I am sitting in my office, streching my legs on the desk, listening this fucking shit fly and thinking about Kristina. She told me, Russians are following you. I couldn't stop thinking why Russians are interested about this case. Then I heard highheels sound. In that moment I understood she is coming. She wears really thight grey toilet in this time. Her boobs don't seem to fit in her dress. Her thighs were incredible. She sat without asking. I offered her a cigarette again. What an incredible sight !

She started to talk "is there any improvement in the case, detective ?. I replied, only one improvement is, I know, Russians involved in the case, I don't know why ?. She said, they were always interested in my husband since the communist party time. They knew that his transfer to conservative party was part of his plan. He even confrant them in Turkey. They told him not to do anything in former Soviet countries. Of course he didn't listen to them. I said, I couldn't reach the intelligence's files. The police records say that there is a lost dairy of him. She said, I didn't know he kept a dairy withut my knowledge. In that time I told her, you know, you are really an attractive woman. I looked your picture all around the world. I haven't seen such a beautiful woman in my life. She smiled, you are an handsome guy like my husband, Mr. Detective. But you have to find my husband's diary first.

She stand up and went out while I was looking to her ass. Then I sat little more and I decided to drink something just to stimulate my intelligence. I ordered to Yorgo a Raki while I was in the bar. I asked just two finger water like always. Yorgo wasn't happy againg I drink Raki in the bar. In that time Kristina walked in the bar. She was the sexiest ever in this purple dress. She gave me an hot kiss from the lips and said, I got something for you and she gave me a little notebook. I put it in my pocket and finished my Raki. We left the bar. Yorgo was pleased about that. The guy is real masturbator. In this time we went to her place. In elevator we started to make love. I am the luckiest guy in the universe. She got place full in red. The colour of passion, She told me just fuck me like old days in Kazakhstan. Even that I don't understand anything, I didn't mind. I said, ok. She was so hot. It was intense experience for me. In a strange way, I woke up in my office. But I knew that wasn't a dream. I searched my pockets and found the secret diary there. The diary starts in really strange place, in a woman's bathroom.

A detective story: Police Station

In the morning, I head to the police station to gather some information about this guy. Police station wasn't close, so I took the bus and of course take out my hat again, because the bus was crowded and there were so much less hairy guys around. When I arrived, I get out and walk to the police station.

I entered my friend commissioner Fatih's office. He was there, drinking tea. Everytime that I step in his office, he does nothing but drinking tea. I salute him " Hey man, what's up !! The guy smiled at me and say, hello, fake detective, are you going to ask me about some fat politicians that cheat their wife again ? I said " Hey Fatih, you know I like you, I came to ask you about a guy, committed suicide in the subway. His wife suspects about a murder. He complained, don't call me here with my name, you are going to call me my commisioner, don't forget about that ! Then his guys entered into the office. Four fucking hairy guy and one slim ugly girl. They looked at me with contempted face and said nothing. They don't like me at all. One of them ordered five tea.

Fatih started to talk, tell his wife that the guy committed suicide. We found a syringe on the railway. It took fucking six hours to find it. There was nothing but his fingerprints on the syringe. I interrupted, so fucking deal. They could have murdered him with gloves and hold the syringe with his hand. He said, you are watching so much American movies, detective. The other hairy guys started to lough like animals. Even Fatih got disturbed of that. He yelled, cut it off, you cunts !! They suddenly stop to lough. Only slim girl wasn't saying anything and giving any emotion. She isn't like one of the police girl in TV series at all. Her face is ugly but buddy is just fine. With carton bag, you can even fuck her. I don't remember that I slept with her or not. I hope I didn't. I said, it could be the work of intelligence. The guy got comminist backround. If you think about the information that communist guy gave to the conservatives, it make sense. Fatih started to speak, In fact, he was investigated by intelligence since his communist party time. He was rising fast in the party. Then he joined the conservative party. Conservatives asked for investigation. But there was nothing. After the guy requested to do "Hizmet", they regretted their suspects. However intelligence didn't stop to follow him. But it was hard in Africa. After he left Nigeria, they lost him until Turkic republics. But these countries have terrible intelligence agencies. They couldn't give them anything.

After drinking tea, I asked to Fatih, Can I have a look to his files ? He said, Whatever, it is just a suicide, nothing else. Hey Mami take this guy to the archive room. I said, no need, I know where it is. After finding his files, I took a desk and sit and started to look at the pictures of the guy. First in the communist party, then taking his rosette of Justice and Development Party from Bulent Arinc, Nigeria, Gana, Guinea, Congo, Somalia, Sudan, Egypt, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan and finally Kazakstan. I noticed how interestingly his wife is getting hotter and hotter in every picture. She is really beautiful woman. She never wore one of these religious scarfs. It must be hard for the guy to explain it to conservatives. Files finished after Kazakistan. They requested some information from Russians, but couldn't get any positive answer. The guy was in real poverty in Africa, the civil wars, sckeleton children, chopped off little arms, rebels in little vans with their French machine guns. He took these pictures by himself. He could be a really good photoghrapher. It says, there is a lost diary of him. It dissappeared after he returned from USA. Maybe the intelligence got it. But there is no way to recieve it from them. They will not give it to a peice of shit detective.

Babama dair bir ruya

Sacma bir sinifta dersten ve garip bir uyku biciminden sonra, ben, Tufan ve Erdem ust kata cikiyoruz. Coraptan yaptigimiz topla mac yapmaya basliyoruz. Ucumuz de yaslanmisiz. Bir sure sonra Erdem babama donusuyor. Once biyikli, sonra biyik kayboluyor. Bir sure birlikte oynuyoruz. Artik iceride degiliz. Eski mustakil evin onundeyiz. Ben kucuk bir cocugum. Bunlar hatiralar degil. Boyle bir olay hic yasanmadi. Ayni zamanda konusuyoruz fakat ne konustugumuzu hatirlamiyorum. Bir sure sonra kendimi bizim bayirin basinda buluyorum. Kucuk bir cocuk tekerlekli sandalyede elinde kucuk bir sopa ile baba diye bagiriyor. Babam bizim evin onunde, ustunde su an giydigim kahverengi kazagi var, koyu kahverengi bir pantolon giyiyor. Babam cocugu duymuyor. Bu sefer ben sesleniyorum. " Hikmet " diye kendi adiyla, icimde ufak bir pismanlikla. Yine babama saygisizlik yaptigimi dusunuyorum. O bana bakiyor ve gulumsuyor. Rahatliyorum. Ufakligin elinden sopayi aliyorum ve babama firlatiyorum. Sopa duzgun gitmiyor, evvela Bulgaristanlilar'in evine carpiyor ve sonra bizim yikik evin insaat camuruna saplaniyor. Bbam sopayi yerden aliyor ve bana tekrar gulumsuyor.

Uyaniyorum saat 10 olmus. Bir sabah ruyasi, sadece bilincalti ile ilgili degildir. Bizim arzularimizla ilgilidir bu ruyalar. Babama adiyla seslendikten sonra onun gulumsemesini hatirladikca gozlerimden yaslar geliyor. Bilgisayarimda Mogollar'dan gecenin sesleri caliyor. Savur kullerini sabahlara, diyor ve yeniden dogmak icin durma. Hyatimda ilk defa buyudugumu hissediyorum.

                                                                               Umea, 2012 Kasim

A Detective Story: Erdogan's Way

Here I am again, sitting in my car, smoking and watching a fucking oldman, cheating his wife. The man has to make his living. In this time, curtains are not open. Probably a conservative guy. Damn maybe from the party. I have to break in the house. It is shit job, everything can happen. Even a curious oldwoman can call the police. it was easy in old days. There was no fucking light sensor, we could finish our business in dark corridors.

Hey ! who the fuck is this ? A garbage man again. In this time, I can't see his face. Two times in a row, probably coincidence. But I have to do my job, I can not think about this fucking guy. The name of apartment is pretty wierd, Allah'a emanet apt. When you are in Fatih, you can find these kind of names. Fuck  !! exterior door was fucking tough.. Anyway I am finally in an there is no light sensor. It is third floor probably this door. Come on, show your magic. Hmm that was easy, Oh yeah the sound of sex, but but what the fuck is this !!!! ? A portrait of Ataturk. The guy is not one of Tayyip guy. Look around everywhere there is Ataturk portraits. Sound is coming that way, let's check ..

Oh my fucking god !!! The guy got Tayyip's moustache !!!!! The young slut complains  "come on just one minute !!? " But it is prompter's box there !! The guy is looking at this box instead of lady .. Now he is looking at me ! Oh my god he is, ... he is Tayyip Erdogan !!!!  What the fuck is happening to me ! I feel nousouss, I think I am going to throw up !!!!

Don't throw up here, you fake detective !!! go to the toilet .. Oh it is Hasan ! damn I am in a pub ! what the fuck was that ! Terrible dream . I am ok Yorgo, just give me one more glass of Raki. Yorgo answered with gloomy face, Brother ! Ok I don't say nothing when you keep calling me Yorgo, but don't drink Raki in a bar, go get a fucking table. There is a rule of drinking, man !! I said, A detective always drink in the bar Yorgo, now shut up and pour the Raki and add water, make it two finger.

Hey ! your girl is there, said Yorgo and show the girl with his head. I replied, Since I am the most handsome guy here, it is not supposed to be all girls are mine man. The girl approach and sit just by me. She said, are you going to buy me a drink ? I said, of course ! Yorgo !! votka to the lady ! and I check her georgous body in red dress. She wear fishnet stockings in her legs but she doesn't look like a whore. She got pureness in her face. That kind of women never get old. Her thighes make my ball concrete, her waist is incredible slim and I got an erection when I was looking to her boobs. She touched my leg and ask to Yorgo, how come your name is Yorgo ? you are not Greek aren't you ? Yorgo replied, my name is Hasan but tell it to this guy, he keeps calling me Yorgo. When she moved your hand up little bit, I asked her name. She said her name is Kristina. I asked her if she is religious. She asked me forward, do I look like religious ? I tought to say, you look like angel but it was fucking cliche. She moved her hand up so close to my little man and asked, Don't you remember me ? I was suprised that I don't remember her. Unfortunately I remember every ugly girl that I fucked. She said, we met in Kazakistan three years ago. I said, I have never been in Kazakistan. She grabbed my erected penis and said, you play this game very good, Don't worry your girlfriend is not around, you can tell about our nights to Hasan in Almaty.

That was too much for me, first that women in the office and now this hot blonde Russian chick in a red dress. I said, maybe you can remind me in more private place. She took back her little hand and whisper, let's go to your place. I paid the money to Yorgo. While we got out, I said I don't have any car. She said, no problem we can use mine.

She turned serious when we get in the car. I said you know I don't have any girlfriend, we ... she interrupted me, Intelligence is looking for you ! I suprised again, but how ?  I just took the case today ! In that time she was suprised. She asked which case ? It is Russians that are looking for you ! Did you think you can get away after all things that you did ? I was sick of this mystery. I said we came my place, she pulled over. I watch her ass while we were climbing the stairs. She entered the office and unzip her dress from backside while approaching the desk. I moved toward her and closed the door. There was no bed in my office, just a desk. What a night !

A detective story: Femme Fatale

Now, I am sitting in my chair, streching my legs on the desk, looking to my feet. I get sick of seeing these feet. Anyone sees these feet, stops to be foot fetishist, I am pretty sure about this. If I would have sitar course, I would see more of that kind of feet, so I didn't take the course. I don't like the enstrument anyway. It is so long and heavy, I prefer harmonica.

Shit, what a boring day ! This fucking fruit fly is flying around. Shit ! It is green one, the shit fly. I have to kill this bastard. Ups ! Somebody is coming, bets are open. 1-1 for ugly fat wife, wants me follow her fat fucking husband. But this sound of highheels can't come from a fat woman. I sense long legs. Finally it is happening, fuck !!

Oh my god !! What a nice legs !! Like a roman coloumns and this wide thighes, scream the firtility under the grey skirt. What a nice slim waist she got !! and boobs like Saddam's rocket forcing the bottons of the white shirt. Thin and long neck is blessed with pearl neckless. Hairs are not so long just as I like. Lips are full of red, the colour of passion. Nice rised nose like a scandinavian lady. Eyes are so big and mysteriously black as opposite to her smooth white skin.

I pull down my legs immediately and wear my shoes and forget about the shit fly. The most beautiful lady that I have ever seen in my miserable life, introduce herself with an ice cold voice. She said to me her husband murdered. They found his body in a subway, sitting with a calm face. Police investigated the case and result appeared as a suicide. I think what a change in my life. First a beautiful women and a murder case after ages. I don't even remember what was the case. I asked to this stunning lady, her husband was contented about his life. She asked me back who are contented about their lifes. I said, I am. At least in that moment after you come in. She smiled little bit. I offer her to have a sit. She sit down. what a big mistake that I did ! Now I can't see her beautiful legs and thighes. Her smiled dissapeared. She started to speak. She said, her husband was an important man. He was born poor. He made his living by himself. He got rich little bit. He joined the communist party. I remembered my times in the communist party. Lots of ugly, active girls. I hated the organization in that moment. I said to her I was in the communist party long time ago. She smiled again, said I was too, I met my husband there. I asked when was it. She replied. It was the time, I was still in the party. I said I don't remember him. I tought maybe I was so busy with fucking ugly, hairy communist girls and I continue to speak: The most important thing I don't remember you. She replied. I wasn't so beautiful back then and I was so shy as well. I light my cigarette and offer her one. While she was reaching to the cigarette, I saw her cleavage. My balls became like concrete again. I should jerk off more often. I lost my all concentration. To return to subject I asked her why do you think your husband get murdered, did he have enemies ? She said, he started to get richer and climb the stairs in party as well. He was so young compared to them. I intervene " them ? " Do you think old men in the party killed him ? She replied I don't think old communist would kill him, despite he passed to conservative party. I said "fuck !!" Feminism lasts until finding husband, communism lasts until finding money. She said, No, He passed to conservative to snike in their organization. His family was religious. He went to OSS courses, eat "maklube", he even was a leader of region. They didn't suspect him so much and he explained his motives to communists as well before transfer. He even shave his beard for having Tayyip's moustache when we went to Nigeria for " Hizmet". We traveled all Africa. He told me once: it was like following footsteps of Ernesto when we were in Kongo. After 2 years we passed to Turkic republics. In that times, he got contact with Russion comrades. He was so excited, he discuss Bakunin's ideas with these guys, he finally understood him. His eyes were fully opened. He was fired with revolution. They told him, it is bad idea to use religion for revolution. He said, they don't have any idea about Turkey, without religion, you can not achieve anything. After 3 years, we returned to motherland. He cut his contact with Turkish communists. He doesn't believe their ideas anyway. He returned to conservative party and climbed the stairs again. Even he was in the committee, went to Pennysilvania. Somehow he admired the man. It was first and only one conflict between us. I tought he started to change. Then I cheated him with a communist guy while he was still in Pennysilvania.- My balls was about to exploid right now - . She told me he has no idea about this fair.

To focus on the subject again, I asked, so you think it was conservatives who murdered him. They somehow understood who real he is. She replied "it was the communist guy who told them his real motives. He wanted me. Of course they didn't believe this peice of communist shit. Their organization based on trust, the real belief to eachother and the God. But intelligence heard about the story. They started to investigate him.

She started to cry. " it was because of me !!! I regret every moment of it. I murdered him. I murdered this peice of shit communist man without leaving any trace. I stand and look at her legs and thighes and cleavage. I gave her a napkin. I said, I don't think intelligence killed him. Anyway if they killed him, It would be nice a fight between the state and the government. They are like budbuddies right now. But I got a hunch. It wasn't them. I am taking this case. Please don't worry. I will find these bastards. She stand up and shake my hand without saying anything. She turned and got out while I was looking to her ass.

Anarchia

I didn't have a chance to read Bakunin's anarchic world. But he was right to say Marx is so wrong to claim only proleteriat can overwhelm the capitalist system. Despite proleteriat is suppressed by Bourgeoisie, they have their morality and hierarcical thinking. They can't be the only revolutianary class. The world history showed that Bakunin was right throughout Russian experience. Moreover Marx also said the state whould be used for revolutionary aims, after revolution success, it would disappear. Bakunin finds this idea is so naive. Bonaparte's state didn't renounce its power and authority after revolution. The existence of state should disappear according to Bakunin. He says " Political slavery, the state reproduce poverty and maintains it as a condition of its own existence. So in order to destroy poverty, it is necessary to destroy the state.

But what will happen without state, in anarchic world. Will revolution destroy just state authorty or all state institutions. What will be condition of social system ? What will be motivation of a garbage man who hates his job ? For this heavy works that nobody wants, it can be arranged shift system that everybody will take care of tis heavy works in particular times. But what about educational system ? The first generation will be a huge problem, non-revolutionarists, conservative and religious people, bourgeoisie. Then of course second generation, the children of these men will be a problem as well. Until the third generation, approximately 70 years who will maintain the anarchist system.  In these conditions we will need an authority, the people in charge. The first and maybe the worst defect in revolution. Unfortunately we will need armed forces to suppress the rebellion against anarcist system, prisons, second defect. Moreover what we will do about the people who will immigrate for better places in the world that there is no borders. What about old pre-judgements, cultural and religious backrounds. Maybe we are going to ban the immigration, Third and the biggest defect in anarchist idea. Forbitten things.

On the other hand, Anarchia is not an unreachable utopia, maybe revolution is the easiest part. Important thing is the maintaining the system without rules, violance and authority.  

“İşte Yaz da Bitti”

İşte yaz da bitti,

Sanki hiç yaşanmamış gibi.

Güneşse ısıtıyor hâlâ kumları.

Ama öyle az ki.

Ne dilediysem kolayca

Oldu, yaprakların

Beş boğumlu elde yatması gibi.

Ama öyle az ki.

İyi, kötü bitti,

Hiçbir şey olmadan,

Her şey alev alev yandı.

Ama öyle az ki.

Onun koruyucu eli

Üstümde tuttu yaşamı,

Bahtım açıktı.

Ama öyle az ki.

Ve hiçbir şey yanmadı,

Ve kırılmadı hiçbir dal, ve yağmadı yağmur

Gün onu bana yolladı.

Ama öyle az ki.

1966-1968

Arseny Tarkovsky

Loop

I wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, roll a cigarette and smoke it. I get my bag ready, wear my coat take my hat and keys and get out. I go busstop, wait for the bus, If it didn't come in 2 minutes, smoke another cigarette. I get in the bus, take a seat, log in the internet, check facebook If I didn't reach to University Hospital, take a look at Eksisozluk.

I reach to the laboratory, split the cell lines or transfect them or starve them or collect the lysate or run the gels or develop the membrane. I get out for smoking, talk with Mutaz, get in, see Isil, talk with her. I do some laboratory staff, hang around the internet, check the websites: Facebook, Eksisozluk, Acetobalsamico, Theflyingdutchman, Radikal, Borges, Sporx, Portalen, Gmail, Afilifilintalar, and download some movies.

I go to Lindellhallen to talk with somebody, climb up to cafeteria, buy a coffee and chocolatte, get out take a seat, eat the chocolatte, smoke cigaretta, look the girls' ass. Somebody come, probably Laura or Lucile and Ophelia or Eugene or Kristina. I talk with them.

Mainly talk about amount of sun in winter time but It will be more terrible in spring and summer. I mention my insomnia but I don't mention my depression and why I forced myself to sleep up to noon to see more dreams for having some experience. I talk about politics, Sweden, women, french government, is Erdogan progressive or conservative or both of them at the same time, I talk about European Union, I talk about Balkans, middle east, Greece, Ottoman Empire.

I open my book, read Statism and Anarchy of Bakunin. I see somebody else, talk about same staff. I smoke, look at the ass, get on the bus, go to the downtown. I eat in Max or Mc'donalds. I listen shitty music there. I get out, smoke a cigarette while waiting the bus. I get on the bus, login internet, check facebook and eksisozluk, If I got time, I check sporx and radikal.

I get out bus in Nydala stop, I walk home. If I feel like it, I some another cigarette. I take my key, open the corridors door and finaly enter my room. I settle the laptop for opening, take out my coat, go to toilet, take a piss. I get front of laptop, I start the Football Manager or Europa Universalis III or Medal of Honor and after for a while I start to watch a movie that I used to watch already I watch Isler Gucler or Behzat C or South Park, while doing these staff I roll my cigarette and drink tab water or vitamic C. I take out my pijama and go to the bed. I sleep.

I wake up, wash my face, brush my teeth, roll a cigarette and smoke it. I get my bag ready, wear my coat take my hat and keys and get out..........

                                                                                              Umea 2012

Bir Cumartesi Gecesi Hikayesi

"Hassiktir biri ates ediyo !!! Ahhh !!! Nerde bu pic !!! - Mission Failed - Cok sikildim amina koyyim .... Sikiyim.....  Saat daha 10 bucuk. Disari cikiyim bari " dedi genc adam. Bir sigara sardi, yavasca icine cekti. Kafasi iyiydi simdi. Dolaba koymadigi pepsinin birazini artik bosalmis sarap sisesinin icine doktu. Sonra pepsi sisesine biraz rom karistirdi. Gitmeye hazirdi.

Disari ciktiginda etrafin hala sisle kapli oldugunu gordu. Sehir sisler icinde muhtesemdi. Otobus duragina dogru ilerleri. Kafasi iyiydi. Tam duraga varmisken otobus geldi. Yan taraftan "Hey Dino !!! "diye bir haykiris duydu. Kristina'dan baskasi degildi. Sarhos bir arkadasini omuzuna yuklemisti. Otobuse bindi ve karti tarayicidan gecirdi. Sofor " bla bla forbiden, bla bla not allowed dedi. Hic bi sik anlamamisti. Bunu ingilizce belirtti. Adam israrciydi. "Yes, you understand " dedi. "bla bla forbiden " diye tekrarladi. Neyseki bir sure sonra israrindan vazgecti. Sirada cok kisi vardi. Otobuste en sevdigi yere gecti ve ayaklarini uzatti. Cebinden cikarttigi pepsi sisesinden bir yudum aldi. Hala partinin nerde oldugunu bilmiyordu. Fesbuyu kontrol etti. Hic bir haber yoktu. Alidhem'e gidip geceye korlemesine dalacakti. Bugun konustugu ilk kisi otobus soforuydu. Onun da ne dediginden bi sik anlamamisti. Cani cok sikiliyordu. Otobusten universite hastanesinin orda indi. Kendi kendine "babam penaltiyi atarsan sana kemik alcam dedi, ama kemik alicak parasi yoktu, ben de atmadim diye mirildandi. Kafasi iyiydi.

Otobusun gelmesine 25 dakika vardi. Yurumeye karar verdi. Sigarasini yakip pepsiden bir yudum alirken otobus yanindan gecti. Sigarasindan bir nefes cekti. Sisler icinde sehir harika gorunurken adam icinden mirildandi. " Ve altintop odulu Messi'ye gidiyor. Noluyo AMK !!! " Yolunun uzerinde golgeler vardi. Hicbirinin bir amaci yok gibiydi. Neden sonra gulmeye basladi. Gerizekali cocugun resim defteri aklina gelmisti. Kafasi hala iyiydi.

Simdi elinde pepsi sisesi agzinda sigara Alidhem'e girdi. Kulakligini cikartip etrafi dinlemeye basladi. Hicbir hareket yoktu. Yolunun uzerinde daha fazla golge gordu. Nereli olduklarini anlamak icin yanlarindan gecti. "Lanet olsun Isvecliler" diye mirildandi kapali dislerinin arasindan. Yolu uzatmisti. Fakat kizin gotu guzeldi diye dusundu. Pepsi sisesini bitirmesiyle Local'a varmasi bir olmustu. Tam siraya girecekken herifin biri kendisine isvec dilinde birseyler soyledi. Konustugu ikinci kisinin de ne dediginden bi sey anlamamisti. Ona bunu Isvecce belirtti. Adam buraya otobusle mi yoksa bisikletle mi geldigimi sordu. Ona 31 cekip rahatlamasini soylemeyi dusunurken, yuruyerek geldigini belirtti. Adam merakli cikmisti. Alidhem'de mi yasadigini sordu. Mariehem diye yanitladi oburu. Mariehemden buraya yuruyerek mi geldin diye sordu adam. Adeta bir gazeteci titizligi ile tum detaylara ulasmaya calisiyordu. Evet dedi. Baya uzun bir yol dedi gazeteci. Sanirim arkadas olmaya calisiyordu ayni zamanda. Bir dergi ya da gazete icin mi calisiyorsun diye sordu gunun ne dedigini anladigi ilk kisine. Yoo hayir adamim dedi gazeteci. Birazcik duraksadiktan sonra agzindaki baklayi cikartti. Buraya telefonunu calan iki kizi bulmaya gelmisti. Arastirmasinin pek iyi gittigi soylenemezdi. Berikinin arkasindan gecen adamin omuzundan tuttu ve ayni sorulari Isvecce ona tekrarladi. Adam sirada ilerledi. Durumun sacmaligini dusundu. Gazeteci, adamin arkasindaki iki kiza da ayni soruyu sordu. Bence bunlar dedi adam gazeteciye. Gazeteci bu goruse katilmadi. Onlar iceride dedi. Adam ona iyi sanslar diledi ve kapidaki herife kafa kagidini gosterdi. Pasaportunu kaybettikten sonra barda kafa kagidini gostermenin daha iyi bir fikir olduguna kanaat getirmisti. Herifi gectikten sonra kasadaki kiza ogrenci birligi kartini gosterdi. Kiz kartin eski oldugunu soyledi. Kiz ciddiydi, kiz dikkatliydi. Parayi normal fiyatta odedi ve ondeki kizin gotune bakip mekana girdi.

Mekanda montunu biraktiktan sonra tanidik yuzler aramaya basladi. Biraz ilerledikten sonra sarisin Iranli kizla gozgoze geldiler. Adam ona her zamanki iltifatlarini soyledi. Kiz parmaklariyla gozum ustunde hareketi yapti. Adam da ayni hareketle cevap verdigini dusunurken, yanlislikla ulkucu isareti yaptigini farketti. "issazi issinin issassiz" diye dusundu. Kizin guzel gotune bir sure bakip bira almaya bara yoneldi. Bir sure sonra dans pistinin oralarda jazz festivalinden tanidigi Cek hatuna jazz festival t-shirtunu gosteriyordu. Kizla bir sure dans ettikten sonra, Iranli kizin gotune biraz daha bakti. Ici dolu bira sisesini cebine koydu ve agzinda sigara disarinin yolunu tuttu.

Kapidaki heriften gizlenip birasini icerken, Frost/Nixon filmindeki hatuna fena halde benzeyen kizi farketti. Hemen kizin yanina gitti. Kiz yanagina opucuk kondurup sarildi ona. Birlikte sirada ilerlediler. Kasaya vardiklarinda Rebecca Hall kiza ogrenci birligi kartini gosterdi. Kiz kart eski dedi. Kiz ciddiydi. Kizin sahin gibi gozleri vardi. Fakat kiz cirkindi, doga guzelligin yerine ona bu gozleri vermisti. Evrimin garip mekanizmalari vardi. Bara girerken Rebecca'nin gotune bakmayi surdurdu. Kafasi guzeldi.

Icerde Rebecca'nin garip Isvecli arkadaslariyla takildi. Rebecca kulakligiyla Federallere benzedigini soyledi ve kulakligini alip ne dinledigini anlamaya calisti. Barda radyo cekmiyordu. Bir sure sonra Rebecca'yi kaybetti. Disari cikip sigara icti, got seyretti. Geri dondugunde Rebecca ile birlikte Jazz Festivali'nde ona telefon numarasini veren kizi da gordu. Kiz ona sarildi ve yanagina opucuk kondurdu. Yemeyip yiyistigi Fransiz hatunun yedeginde tutuyordu bu kizi. Kizin halini hatrini sorduktan sonra, roportaj isinin noldugunu sordu. Kiz adamin kulagindan kulakligini aldi. Sadece cizirti duydu. Adamin muzik zevkinden igrendi. Oysaki sadece radyo cekmiyordu. Rebecca'nin Isvecli garip arkadaslari ile konusurken Rebecca'yi ve Telefonunu alan kizi kaybetti. Tuvalete gidip isedi. Sigara icti. Dans pistinde Cek kizla dans etti. Sarisin Iranli kizin gotunu seyretti. Caprazdaki kizin buyuk goguslerine bakti. Disari cikti, sigarasindan bir nefes cekti. Iceri girdi, isedi, montunu aldi ve cikti. Kafasi iyiydi.

Alidhem'deki otobus duraginda kusmaya calisti. Otobuse kusmak istemiyordu, sonucta sofor ekmeginin pesindeydi. Fakat kusamadi, otobuse bindi. Virajdan donerken midesi bulandi ve kustu. Universite hastanesinde indi. Kusmaya calisti, kusamadi. Mariehem otobusune bindi. Otobuse kusmamak icin Mariehem centrum duraginda indi. Kusamadi, sigarasini yakti, eve yurudu. Sigarasinin uzerine basti ve kapiyi acti. Bir kat cikti ve anahtarla koridorun kapisini acti. Bir sure sonra odasina girdi, uzerindekileri cikartti  ve yataga girdi. Sabah 8.30'da uyandiginda kafasi bok gibiydi ...

                                                                                                         Umea, 2012