- Yolculuk nasıldı ?
- Bok gibi iyiydi ..

(The Usual Suspects - Bryan Singer)

Stalker - Let them be helpless like children

Let everything has been planned come true.
Let them believe.
and let them have a laugh at their passions.
Because what they call passion actually is not same emotional energy,
but just the friction between theri souls and the outside world.
and most important, let them believe themselves.
Let them be helpless like children,
Because weakness is a great thing, and strength is nothing.
When a man just born, he is weak and flexible,
When he dies, he is hard and insensitive.
When tree is growing, it's tender and pliant,
but when it is dry and hard, it dies.
Hardness and strength are death's companions.
Pliancy and weakness are expressions of freshness of being.
Because what has hardened will never win.

The Writer's monologue

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLN_UanuUTs


One more experiment.
Experiments, facts, truth of higher instance.
There is no such thinhs as facts.
Expecially here.
All this is someone's idiotic invention.
Don't you feel it ?
But you, of course, must find out whose invention it is.
and why.
What good can your knowledge do ?
Who is going to get guilty conscience because of it? Me ?
I have got no conscience.
I just got nerves.
Some bastards would criticize me, I get wounded.
Another would laud me, I get wounded again.
I would put my heart and soul in it, the gobble up both my heart and soul.
I wouuld relieve my soul of filth, they gobble it up too.
They are all so literate.
They all got sensory deficiency.
and they are all swarming around, journalists, editors, critics, some endless broads.
and they all demand: more. more !!!
What hell of a writer I am if I hate writing ?
If it is constant torment for me, a painful, shameful occupation, sort of squeezing out a hemorrhiods.
I used to think that someone would  get better because of my books.
No, nobody needs me !
In two days after I die they will start gobbling up someone else.
I wanted to change them, but it is they who have changed me.
Making me in their own image.
The future used to be just a continuation of the present, with all the changes looming far behind the horizon.
Now the future and the present are one.
Are they ready for it ?!
They don't want to know anything !
All they know is how to gobble !

Stalker: Gush ! How lucky you are ! My goodness, now .. You are going to live a hundred years !
Writer: Yes. But why not forever ? Like the eternal Jew.

  

Eight

Eight

When the great days come, the young man was looking his reflection throuh the mirror in the ruinous bathroom. Mild breeze coming from the little window, was not enough to cool down the fire of his soul. He tapped the rusted water tab and dowsed his hands into the flowing water. That maledictory thought came to his mind again. It was the question that irritates him for his whole life: “ Limits “. Yes. What is our limits ? How fastest an human being can run ? how long time can we hold his breath under the water ? why can not we turn the water into the wine ? why can not we resuscitate the deceaseds ? why can not we walk on the water ? He heard from somewhere even a quantum particle can not be faster than speed of light... Who set these immutable rules ? We found ourselves in infinite world, when we closed our eyes, , but opening the eyes, changes everything everlasting. Impossible worlds fading over his eyes, blew him away through the madness. His left tumb started to shivering. He had to disperse his suffering toughts, to prevent new incoming seizure. He handle the warm soup. He tried to think something else. He started to think primal subject to desperse a male first toughts. Therefore he looked his reflection through the mirror, He noticed  his spooning timorous glance left his place into lust sparks.  He dreamed about the woman of his life. He saw noughty things in his mind and got rid of his shame. After several minutes, there was no shame particles in his eyes. Until 1...

First confronting limit, dropped him down into the world of reality. "The world of reality" What the fuck does it mean ? A world ruled by science, causality and pyhsics laws.. The miserable universe oppressed by dictatorship of the pyshics laws, boring  and damned monotone world, drag him into walley of depressed feelings. And this indipidity and monotonity was so common, he couldn't breath for while. Then he saw the light in the horizon of this walley reigned by fear and darkness. Maybe the light was a creation in his mind, but even this hopeful fantasy was enough to fascinate him. His eyes were closed.  He saw the cliff in the horizon. He jumped without any thought. He lived in his artificial freedom abundantly. Until 2 ...

to be continued ...